The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 30-31

XXX.

It had been weeks of hospital life, and sad enough to say, NO hot men in hospitals. It was a shocker, really. Also, the chemotherapy treatments were boring. So boring, that even looking at a spinning fan for thirty minutes would be fun. So I must say that the hospital stay was pretty boring except for the fact that my therapy had finished. But somewhere in my heart and brain, I knew I would miss seeing the old lady next door with heart cancer or the boy down the hall I always had morning coffee with. But I had to say good-bye, and I did do so as I was wheeled out of my room, through the halls, and out of the hospital.

The air was humid from last night’s rain, almost like warm steam from a barbeque grill, but the sun was out, small puddles dotted the sidewalk, and I couldn’t help the excited feeling I had as each wheel of the wheelchair splashed through a rain puddle. The trees sung to me, grass and their dew welcomed me, and the sun shone on me full-heartedly. Gosh, I missed the outdoors.

I could even feel my mother smiling from behind the wheel chair, pushing me teasingly through big puddles and getting my shoes all wet.

“MOM! Watch it! I’m a handicap!”

“No you aren’t! It’s not like you to ignore these wonderful puddles darling!”

The humming bird buzzed around, pushing me along with her. She was really energetic for an old… 47 year old hummingbird. Oops, if cancer didn’t kill me, that statement sure will.

XXXI.

I didn’t allow my mother to stop me. Once I was mentally and physically strong enough to walk on crutches, I headed to school. I chose on wearing my casual outfit, not to set off any handicap vibes, and snuggled on my currently favorite baseball cap with the school mascot on it. I had to check if the stubble of hair on my head wasn’t “really” visible, but otherwise I was pumped for school.

I stood in my room like every morning, besides my right leg being injured and my head bald, everything seemed like those days before cancer. My sister still sung “attempted-rap” in the shower and my mother hummed classical music in the kitchen. I was doing last minute checkups with my hair again, back to the window, the sun warming it and lightening up my room. Next to the window was my rusted bird cage, but it wasn’t so rusted anymore and it definitely wasn’t empty. When I came back from the hospital, I had found a lovely surprise within the shining bars. It chirped melodically as it opened its purple wings, its yellow stomach fluffed up as it breathed, yellow eye shadow around its eye brought out the most gorgeous black eyes. I must admit, it was my new boyfriend. It even complimented the lace curtain! Now that’s coordinated.

So I flew out, gracefully as I could on crutches, through the sky blue sky that seemed in envelope the halls of my house. Not a single cloud today!

“Good morning dear.”

A pair of green eyes eyed me over the morning paper as I clomped into the kitchen. Steaming coffee in hand, my mother reminded me even more of a humming bird this morning.

“Good morning.”

I blew kisses across the room to the hummingbird and made sure to remember my small cup of orange juice and fork for my soggy pancakes.

“Yo Aussie.”

Lance had welcomed himself to my house this morning. His sharp eye watched me like his prey, which was quite frankly scary. But I decided to out-wit him today, as he reached for my baseball cap, I sneaked a kiss on his lips and let the moment slide. You could tell I was in a good mood.

“Psst, Aussie!”

What was freakier than Lance being in my house is Collen sitting at my dining room table. Helping himself to a hearty meal of pancakes and orange juice, Collen didn’t even deserve recognition. I waved anyways.

“Aussie! Good morning!”

My canary sister skips into the tiny, now crowded, kitchen, beautifully dressed with that “in-style” cardigan over her shoulders.

“Hey Kathy dear, hurry and eat.”

Mrs. Humming bird returns to her paper and occasional sips of coffee, the hawk perched at the door with sharp eyes on the clock, the talkative parrot wasn’t allowed to talk that morning with all that pancake in his mouth, the canary delicately sat next to me with her oh-so-delicate cup of orange juice, and the Aussie bird sits with her new purple shirt, courtesy to my new pet.

Just like every morning, the canary sung, the humming bird hummed, and me? I sat, the bird that thought couldn’t fly, but did anyway.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 29

XXIX.

Lance and Collen had both left for school the next morning, both with swollen eyes and a very runny nose. I had been able to give them a genuine smile as they left, though afterwards, my face wasn’t so pretty. Every afternoon was treatment time. I couldn’t really say I looked forward to it. I didn’t plan on anyone visiting me earlier in the day, so I decided to take up on some reading or homework.

I stretched my aching arms as I opened my old history book I had to catch up on. I turned a few pages to something interesting, opened my mouth to read-aloud when the door opened.

Over the threshold of the door, my dainty sister stood with a bouquet of daisies and a small photo frame. She looked even skinnier than usual, maybe because of the bright light from behind her or the pale yellow cardigan she neatly tied around her shoulders.

“Home from the country club?”

I managed to crack my own joke as my sister entered. I knew she had been crying from the red tips of her eyes and nose, but decided not to touch upon that.

“Idiot! It’s my new style!”

My sister succeeded in seeming happy, still trotting her way over to my bed and kissing me on the cheeks.

“How has my lovely chick been?”

My sister’s words bounced off the walls she faced and back to me, maybe she didn’t want to see me face to face just yet. Her hands were shaking from where I could see, because the vase she held quivered back and forth as she spoke.

“Nothing much my lovely canary, I miss your singing from the shower every morning.”

The canary turned and smiled; I realized her green eyes, much like my mother’s, shown in the pale light through the window.

“Why thank you Austricia. I miss your tired hangover face in the morning too.”

She walked over with a vase full of daisies, and set them on the side table with a picture of our family, mother hummingbird, Kathy canary, me… and dad. Dad looked younger than what I remembered him to look like; I had imagined a hunky turkey-looking dad from five or so years ago, but this picture revealed him as a proud cardinal or something. I decided to just mentally note the picture, turning back to my sister.

“Don’t call me by my full name ever again Katheny. Do you like my new hairstyle?”

“Oh Aussie. I loved your hair; I’m going to miss all of it.”

She lightly brushed her slender fingers through my hair and sucked in the sobs. I giggled. My sister’s hair was beautiful, soft and luscious. Of course I was upset and sad that my hair was going to be gone soon, but I can still see my sister’s hair and see how mine will grow out to be again.

“I have confidence that I’m gonna look great in short hair.”

“I want a sister, not a girlish brother.”

“I still have boobs.”

“No you don’t.”

My sister grabbed my cheeks and kissed my forehead, telepathically sealing up my lips so I couldn’t babble on. Of course, I wriggled my way out of that telepathical bind, continuing conversation with my sister which he hadn’t had in a long time.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 28

XXVIII.

People were calling out to me far away, a cloud drifting in between where I was and the far away light. Air rushed upwards from my back, I couldn’t reach the light no matter how much I tried. I look desperately at my useless arms, trying to grab something to pull me up. They were covered in feathers, and so I started to bat my wings. It was useless, I was falling.

“AUSSIE”

The sky had disappeared. Collen and Lance with their tear stained eyes were what I saw. Lance helplessly held my limp hand, biting his chapped lower lip.

“What happened?”

Words caught and clawed in my throat as I managed to speak.

“Trust me Aussie, you are now known as the person who just came back to life.”

Collen was bathing in a pile of used tissues, rolled up on the rocking chair close by. My eyes were still adjusting to the room; I squinted and batted my eye lids a few times to get a clear view. However, before my eyes were in perfect state, my leg stung.

I was curious; I wanted to peek under my covers to know why my leg had stung so much. I was slowly entangling my fingers from Lance’s tight grip when Dr. Beaker came in.

“Why hello Aussie, it’s quite early for you to be up.”

His aged hands grabbed the side table as he carefully seated himself on the side of the bed.

“I’m feeling a lot better, that’s for sure.”

I intended to give him a huge grin, but my face had gone numb and ancient.

“Don’t worry; your body is just a little oozy from not moving for so long. It’s so used to moving around constantly!”

Dr. Beaker encouragingly rubbed my shoulder in a grandpa-way. Deep wrinkles besides his eyes seemed friendly and welcoming, and his handwritten nametag brought a sudden surge of relaxation.

“So what exactly happened? The last thing I remember is being brought here.”

“Well Aussie. You had pushed yourself a tad bit too far, but not far enough and this old man fixed it. Your cancer had grown at a really fast pace. However, last night’s surgery went well and the primary site was treated. All you have to do now is go on with the chemotherapy.”

The doctor unintentionally rubbed my head, which made me realize my current state up above. My hair had become thinner, just a little bit, but a girl could tell what’s up with her hair. I couldn’t contain a soft whimper as I imagined what I LOOKED like, probably a plucked turkey ready for thanksgiving. Dr. Beaker must have sensed the change in atmosphere; he took my hand in his and rubbed a little warmth into it, patted it a little, and left the room.

Once ole doctor left the room, I realized Lance had silently dozed off into a world of his own. Collen was thoughtful enough to get a light blanket to cover his broad shoulders. I was always grateful that Collen was a really reliable friend, like an owner-friendly parrot, because once he made his way around the hospital bed, he brought up a chair and just talked with me. The conversation wasn’t even about school or cancer, it was just talking.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 27

XXVII.

“Aussie!”

Lance angrily closed the phone and tossed it to me. I barely caught it, and looked all around searching for a possible answer in life. Life is something unexpected, and whoever made lemonade when life tossed lemons, must have been a very decisive person.

“Lance, calm down”

Those were the only words I could find, feeling my hand shake as I gripped the innocent phone. Aussie would keep talking; she would try to persuade Lance that it was an unchangeable fact. She would do everything to stop him from crying. Suddenly it hit me… She was in danger.

“Lance, look at me.”

Grabbing Lance’s broad shoulders, I looked him square in the eyes as I took deep breaths. The school bell rung with a shrill, but everything seemed to be in slow motion around the two of us.

“Collen, what are you doing?”

“I know where she is. She wouldn’t have hung up on you, she’s in trouble.”

I couldn’t allow him to say another word; I yanked his wrist towards the nearest exit. All we could do is find out and at least support her.

We were running, running for someone’s life.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 26

XXVI.

I fondled with the phone on the side table, playing hot potato with it as I turned off speaker and slowly brought the phone to my ear.

“Aussie?”

The voice I hadn’t heard in a week or so vibrated through my ear drum into my brain, and was soon calculated to be Lance’s voice. I leaned far back into a fluffy pillow as I mumbled.

“Hi Lance.”

“Is everything, true? Do you really have cancer? Why didn’t you tell me? Why?”

“Yes it’s true. Yes I have cancer. I didn’t tell you, because I...”

“Didn’t want to see me cry. Still, I wanted to know. I wouldn’t cry if you didn’t want me to. I would have supported you with everything I have; I wouldn’t let you feel lonely. I’ll fight with you.”

“But you’re crying now.”

Lance shook off his tears in semi-disgust. I closed my eyes, sinking even further into my pillow. The strength that had supported me these few days were slowly exiting my body every possible way.

“I’m not crying.”

“Oh sure you aren’t. See, you just broke our promise.”

“I don’t care! Listen where are you now, what hospital are you at?”

I sighed deeply as I closed the phone. Blackness took over me as the grip on my phone loosened, the last thing I remember is my heart rate monitor gradually slowing down, echoing in my pit of endless relief.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 25

XXV.

Now I’ve always thought Martin Luther King’s speech was inspirational, but Collen just won that peace prize in my life. I couldn’t help but smile, nothing could beat something my precious friend said.

“Lance, listen to me carefully. We all know about cancer, something that can’t change in a life. It’s a fact set in stone that Aussie has been dealing with.”

“What are you talking about Collen? Those fruits have been hitting you really hard.”

Lance seemed to be joking, almost in half belief. He never sounded like this before, so I intended to listen closely.

“Lance, wake up! She is in the hospital now, and I can feel that she’s in despair because she can’t do anything. She wants to run, she wants to cheer, and she wants to live the life everyone else can live. She’s been acting strong, like cancer isn’t anything to her, and it seemed like she didn’t care about it but she does. Her intention was to not tell anyone. She was going to fight it alone, and she was going to become normal again without help. She also told me… that you were special and she would do anything for you to not be sad. She hated that she fought against you, she hated that she blamed you, she hated she couldn’t do anything. All she wanted was for you to not cry for her and she was scared of what will come when she told you.”

“You must be kidding me, Collen. She didn’t even cry for me, she didn’t even SAY anything to me. I’m not going to fall for your insane joke.”

“Then talk to her yourself.”

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 24

XXIV.

I was slowly pulling the phone away from my ear, putting my forefinger on the top half of my phone like a trigger of a revolver. If it were real, I might have pulled it…for real. But I feel like I’m just finding excuses.

“Wait”

Collen barked at me, awakening me with a sharp echo.

“Here’s Lance, hold on.”

My heart began to race, and it might have been from pure adrenaline the hospital had to offer. But I sensed something else. I run my finger tips over my heart and feel it pulse through. This was real. However, I could only leak out a small okay to continue the conversation.

This might turn good or bad. I was a bird with a wounded wing, keeping my balance with the strong part of what’s left. I have to take one flap at a time, each time leading me to my final destination, but there are countless ways to fall. Once I fall…

As I had started my endless daydream of falling from the sky, I heard a conversation on the other side of the phone line, distant.

“Lance, I have something to tell you.”

“Hey, haven’t talked to you in a while. You’re always with... Aussie, how is she?”

“Uh, about her… she…”

“She what? I… you’ve probably realized but I’m never going to forget her. I might never like anyone else. If it’s something hateful, tell me later.”

My heart leaked of overflowing emotions. Putting my phone on speaker, I set it on the side table and covered my eyes. I tried to shield it from everything, from everything around me.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 23

XXIII.

I remembered this room. I was on my back under warm sheets that wasn’t my quilt, in a room that wasn’t my own. It was definitely more spacious, the walls paler and more windows brightly lit up the room.

But this wasn’t under the same circumstances as last time. I had a heart rate monitor and a radiation wrap around my right leg. I could tell this was the long-staying condition of the hospital.

The ceiling was boring, less pale than the walls but nothing more interesting then the gray grains of a TV. So I turned to a window; fortunately open for me to view the outside. Birds chirped, courting each other and flying freely above every living thing in the world. They sported lovely colored feathers that blended with the springtime flowers and the mellow, orange light of the sun.

To ruin the moment, my cell phone rang. I didn’t even know my cell phone was here. But it was neatly arranged with a box of tissues and a wad of used ones. It was Collen.

“Hey. This is girl-in-hospital. How may I help you?”

“Aussie! Thank goodness, you’re alive! Don’t joke with me Aussie, you scared the crap out of me.”

Collen was pressing these words firmly to my heart; sandwiching masculine sniffles in between each word.

“Collen! Don’t cry! I’m fine, really!”

“No it’s not fine. You have cancer, I can’t tell this to anyone. You’re in the HOSPITAL.”

If Collen was here in real person, I would want to hug him close and pat his head until he calmed down. He was just like a little boy throwing a hissy-fit.

“Collen, listen to me closely. Cancer is a fact I can’t change in my life, and trust me I want to change it. But it’s basically set in stone and there’s nothing I can do about it. Of course, I trust the hospital, the doctors, all I’m doing is waiting for it to heal. Don’t get me wrong Collen, I want to run again. I want to jump and dance at dances I haven’t even enjoyed yet. I want to live a normal life. This hasn’t been easy for me. It may seem like it, but it’s not. I really do apologize for you not being able to tell people. Originally, no one was supposed to know. You’re trustworthy, and I knew you would be there for me. It’s just; Lance is really special to me. And the last thing I want to see is his sad face, so you could say that’s why I didn’t tell him. Our fight wasn’t intentional, but if it let him hate me while I went through this, I’m fine. Because he didn’t shed a tear for me, and that’s all that matters to me right now. Another thing, do me a favor. Tell Lance. Because if I don’t get to talk to him again, he should at least know of it. Because I’m sure it’s going to be a long hospital stay for me.”

He was way past the sniffling stage, he was full out bawling. Heavy sighs and deep inhales vibrated my ear as he cried. I didn’t mean to let the waterworks run, but it couldn’t be helped. Tears rushed down my eyes, all I could picture was my fate and Lance.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 22

XXII.

I needed help quick. Holding my head and pulling myself alongside the tiled walls, I forced myself out into the deserted hallway. The awards hall was now completely silent. The distant sound of the clock’s ticking set pace to my feet as they moved me down the hall. I needed someone’s help.

For lord’s sake, luck was with me that day. Collen came out around the corner, skipping class like always. Of course, being genius that he was, he knew something was wrong.

He ran up and caught me right as my legs buckled below. My nausea didn’t allow me to respond to any matter, but Collen picked me up and carried me. The beige and the awards and the fluorescent lights spun before my eyes, then, I saw nothing.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 21

XXI.

Weeks had passed after that encounter, weeks of emotional instability. I hadn’t spoken one word with Lance and he didn’t attempt to speak to me. However, Samantha did get her deserved slap across her cheek, resulting in breaking two back teeth and a swollen cheek for a few days. She was like my stress ball, after that I felt much better, relieved.

Also internal things had progressed over the weeks. The shots had become more frequent, and my cancer had not appeared yet where it should be, pushing back the surprise surgery dates every week. Apparently I had entered a dangerous state, and usually people would be in hospital beds during my stage, but I didn’t feel a thing. Plus I had permission to still attend school.

Successfully finishing my history class, I walked through the beige colored walls of our awards hall. Plaques and medals gleamed in cheap florescent lighting as students headed to their next class, walking in an orderly two way road.

I walked behind a muscular football jock, but he was more like a joke in schoolwork. He had to be the most clueless person I’d seen. Even now, he lumbered his way down the hall, reading aloud our mythology reading and making a fool out of himself.

I silently laughed, because no matter what his reaction towards Aphrodite was, it would remind me of Collen’s reaction to Dr. Minks. I couldn’t hold in my laughter anymore, so I tightly covered my mouth as a kept trotting behind Mr. Football jock.

But just in that split second, my legs froze up in place. Not again. Awkwardly, I trudged into the girls’ bathroom and locked myself in a dark green stall.

For some reason, my hands shook. I wasn’t cold; in fact I was rather hot. Still, my fingers trembled as I fiddled around for the shot in my pit-less backpack, trying to uncap it with little success. When I finally got the shot uncapped and struck my thigh as usual, I felt a sudden surge of nausea. This wasn’t normal.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 20

XX.

“Whoa. What happened?”

Collen and Lance ran up to me, who huddled on the concrete, tears streaming down my face.

“What happened? You’re asking me what HAPPENED? You SAW what happened. Damn it, go away Lance. Just because Samantha likes you, I have to be chased around by that insane psycho.”

Collen bit his lip, turning away to hide what he truly knew and what he feels now. Lance got red and took my shoulders in his wide hands.

“My fault? It’s MY entire fault? I can’t help what I look like Aussie, I can’t.”

“Then stay away from me.”

Spitting out those words at Lance, I broke free from his hands, and ran to Collen’s car. I didn’t see which way I was going, I couldn’t see the lights. My eyes blurred and my fingers trembled. What had I done?

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 19

XIX.

“Oh, hi there Aussie”

Samantha tossed her hair in her preppy manner, her eyes screening my every move as I tried to walk around her bulky car.

“Hey Samantha, here to get some ice cream?”

“My girls and I don’t eat ice cream, fat and calories are the last thing I need, dear. We’re here for the tanning salon next door.”

The gaudy groupie nodded in unison, innocent smiles with ugly intentions.

“Look, I’m here with friends, you’re here with yours. Let’s just go our separate ways. Alright?”

“Not alright Aussie Winston. I’ve been meaning to tell you this all along, but your cute, innocent face doesn’t belong with Lance’s.”

Now she’s gone completely insane. Ignoring the last comment, I swerved around and attempted to cut across in front of Samantha’s car. This was a bad idea, and for future reference remember. Insanity + huge BMW? Not good.

The engine turned on quickly, the acceleration pedal was pressed with great strength, and the car sped up towards me. This must be the worst day of my life.

I started to flee in the other direction, slyly moving diagonally to avoid the pathway of the car. However, my legs didn’t work as well as they did in the past years, and with numbing in one leg it was even harder. I looked back; Samantha’s eyes were full of annoyance and some killer-intentions of a vulture.

I could feel myself slowing down, gradually, but enough for some psycho to run over me. With no choice left I jumped sideways, the earth spinning in slow motion as my hand landed on the concrete moments before my body.

“Aww, poor baby”

Samantha cooed through the open car window. She blew fake kisses at me and winked with the pure desire to piss me off. Heat rose within me, I wanted to get up and slap her artificial Barbie doll face. I wanted to run away from this place. I wanted to kick her and her little friends until they were red enough to not get a tan. Tears rose in my eyes, because deep down I knew I couldn’t do any of those things. My leg felt stiffened with plastic or glue and my hand was cut up and bleeding. But more than any of these physical damages, my heart hurt. My chest pounded because of my weakness, my chest pounded because I couldn’t do anything.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 18

XVIII.

After school, Collen and Lance treated me to some ice cream. The three of us, hit by the early afternoon sun, sat around a small picnic table facing the small ice cream parlor. Nothing could beat such luxurious days.

Last doctor’s visit, I had been told to take a shot in my thigh every 3 hours, which to tell the truth, has been a pain in the butt since I’ve had to do so. As the ice cream in my hand disappeared in record time, I raced to the car because I “forgot something.”

Basking in the sun, the two handsome hawks, or one hawk and a kangaroo, sat talking and checking out booty-shorts and tanks as each one walked by their table. I rolled my eyes as I opened the back seat door of Collen’s wreck car.

As I slid in, I dug up one of my few shots from my purse and a mirror. Makeup? Check. I rubbed my hazel eyes as I check my face in the mirror, making sure nothing looked weird or messed up. As a peacock must always show himself to his mates, I must do the same.

I quickly finished my shot, rubbing the sore spot on my thigh as I limped outside and back to the picnic table.

Now something I didn’t see coming? A pack of school blonds rolling up in their BMW.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 17

XVII.

Tonight was a teens’ favorite night, Friday night. With Dr. Beaker’s permission, I took my final drive to school, windows down, singing alternative rock like a maniac. I laughed to myself as I drove down the street, wind in my hair, flying through the lanes like a low soaring eagle.

Waving to the usual security guard at the parking lot entrance, I pulled in, parked, and trotted into school. I wasn’t the usual quiet person today, but a woodpecker, fast, speedy, energetic. I practically glided into Collen, who was lavishly leaning against a wall, sweet talking Dr. Minks.

“You know, I don’t see you as just the school nurse Dr. Minks.”

“Aw, you’re so funny Collen! But go to class now!”

Failed and down, he turned to me, basically towering over me and showering words over my head.

“Hey Shorty”

“Yo. You haven’t told Lance yet have you?”

“Tell me what?”

Lance stood behind me, also towering. Lightly wrapping his arms around me, he yanked me closer and enveloped me with a big hug.

“Nothing! A surprise”

Lance smiled mischievously and kissed my forehead.

“It better be good.”

He walked toward the student commons, leaving me and Collen in front of our English class. There was no hesitation, we skipped into class, sat next to each other, and started to fool around like always.

As our teacher read Greek mythology, Collen tossed over a neatly folded piece of paper.

Just don’t stress out about it.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 16

XVI.

I arrived at Dr. Beaker’s again the next afternoon to report about the shot usages. He was proud that I had actively tried to treat my cancer but had news.

“I’m afraid your tumor was found in your right thigh, Aussie. Your left leg is just stressed from the uneven distribution of weight it gets. But, rhabdomyosarcoma spreads relatively spreads fast, so the tumor has grown a bit. You’re a young cheerleader, and your cancer was still pretty early in the process, so I’m thinking about radiation therapy for your thigh, and then a little chemotherapy.”

“Thank you doctor!”

I sprang from my chair and hugged the old man tightly. He rubbed my back gently, but then stabbed me with more news.

“But the cancer is still progressing, and until the cancer has reached a certain area of your body, we can’t treat it. It’s deep in your tissue. So from today on, you’ll have to use the shot more frequently. You drove today didn’t you? Good job, but I’m afraid you can’t anymore. It’ll be too much stress on your right leg. ”

Since my mother was at home, sick with stress, I had come alone. And now the empty seat next to me brought discomfort and sadness.

As I drove home after the visit, tapping my finger to good drum beats on the radio, I looked at my reflection in the mirrors. I was myself; little traits of my hummingbird mother and traits alike my canary sister, I didn’t look any different from that girl driving her Mercedes or her motorcycle. I was me, yet this week changed my life, forever.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 15

XV.

I saw Collen’s old wreck in the lot as I pulled in from Burlington Ave. He must want to know badly because he doesn’t eat anything served here.

Grossly looking at the great-smelling steak burgers on the menu, Collen sat in the light of the setting sun. Ordering a side-by-side milkshake with a dessert, I started to tell the story of my past week. I even included Lance’s little kiss moments.

After the story had been spilled, Collen looked up from his coke and stared.

“So you have cancer.” “Yes”

“And that shot was for emergency pain relieving.” “Yes”

“And you don’t want Lance to know this because you love him”

“Ye… wait. I don’t want him to know! But not because I LOVE him.”

“Now don’t lie to yourself. Express your true feelings Aussie, that’s me and my girlfriends’ motto.”

Readers, please note girlfriends’ is plural.

“Don’t want to hear about love from you player boy.”

“Okay, I get it. But if you and him are practically together, I think he has a right in knowing. It’s a life changing thing, cancer.”

I had given it lots of thought. Lance is my best friend and sort of boyfriend, and he does have a right in knowing. But there was something bigger.

“I don’t want to see him or think of him being sad and upset.”

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 15

XV.

I saw Collen’s old wreck in the lot as I pulled in from Burlington Ave. He must want to know badly because he doesn’t eat anything served here.

Grossly looking at the great-smelling steak burgers on the menu, Collen sat in the light of the setting sun. Ordering a side-by-side milkshake with a dessert, I started to tell the story of my past week. I even included Lance’s little kiss moments.

After the story had been spilled, Collen looked up from his coke and stared.

“So you have cancer.” “Yes”

“And that shot was for emergency pain relieving.” “Yes”

“And you don’t want Lance to know this because you love him”

“Ye… wait. I don’t want him to know! But not because I LOVE him.”

“Now don’t lie to yourself. Express your true feelings Aussie, that’s me and my girlfriends’ motto.”

Readers, please note girlfriends’ is plural.

“Don’t want to hear about love from you player boy.”

“Okay, I get it. But if you and him are practically together, I think he has a right in knowing. It’s a life changing thing, cancer.”

I had given it lots of thought. Lance is my best friend and sort of boyfriend, and he does have a right in knowing. But there was something bigger.

“I don’t want to see him or think of him being sad and upset.”

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 14

XIV.

For a popular kangaroo, Collen was semi-genius. I knew a cheap BS answer wouldn’t cut it for him.

“You told us you had a cold or something, but you don’t need Advil or a shot.”

“You saw the Advil too?”

“Sure. Besides, that shot had numbing medicine in it too. You’re limping.”

“That’s because I did something weird with my ankle during practice. And Dr. Minks recommended the shot for me.”

Collen walked next to me with a smart-aleck air about him, mysteriously looking down on me for more answers.

“She’s a school nurse, and a pretty clueless one at that. She couldn’t and wouldn’t recommend a shot.”

“Well, how do you know it’s a shot anyway?”

“There’s a puncture mark on your thigh, it was sticking up from your thigh when you let it go, and there was a button to release something stored inside.”

Collen counted on his fingers as his eyes turned from mysterious to anxiety and worry.

“Collen. You’re too damn smart. Steak ‘n’ Shake, on me, after this?”

“If you’re going to tell me, I’m going.”

Practice was over when I got back, so I explained what I had gone to do to the coaches and packed up my belongings. The flock of basketball boys was gone too, leaving a whiff of axe lingering on court 1.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 13

XIII.

I found Dr. Minks at her desk in the nurse’s office, jotting down notes and listening to her soft classic.

“What is it dear?”

“Uhm, I need the shot I brought this morning.”

Although it was quite an emergency, Dr. Minks danced across the room to a small white cabinet where all of the students’ personal medications were stored.

“It’s the pain relieving one right?”

“Well it’s sort of like a pain reliever, yes.”

The shot had been given to me yesterday by Dr. Beaker himself. It was much like those penicillin tubes used for allergic people. But instead of penicillin, my tube had a special liquid mixture of pain reliever, temporary numbing medicine, and temporary symptom stopper. I was told to use it after or during exercise, when your leg felt swollen and burning from the inside. Great, more pain.

“Ah, here it is!”

Dr. Minks shifted her glasses on her nose, fixed her low-cut shirt, and read the instructions for me.

Take off the red cap. Make sure the small needle is not rusted, if so, change quickly. Hold tube with both hands and stick in upper thigh. Press the blue button while the needle is still inside the body to release liquid.

“Got it?”

“Uh, I think so, thank you.”

Retrieving the tube, I made myself relatively comfortable in a chair and followed the directions. Once pressing the blue button and releasing the relief into my leg, I felt a sudden surge of loopy-ness. Pretty Dr. Minks threw away the red cap, set a cup of water for me beside the chair, and returned to her work.

And what could be more then bad timing, as I was about to pull the needle out of my punctured thigh, Collen walked in with a big floor burn on his arm. Laughing, he ran in.

“Miss Minks! It’s me again! Say, can you give a poor lad a bandage?”

Hitting on older women again, I sighed. I thought I had smoothly covered up my tube in my thigh, slyly pulling it out when Collen wasn’t looking, but as we walked out of the nurse’s office, he asked.

“Aussie. Tell me the truth, what was that tube?”

The Bird that Cannot Fly ch. 12

XII.

Wearing short shorts and a loose t-shirt, I made my way down to the school gym. One of the courts was occupied by a bunch of basketball guys with their shirts off. Yes, I was slightly amused but slightly disgusted. On another court was a group of girls, covered girls. This was my squad.

The cheerleaders stretched in a wide circle near center court, gossiping and filling each other in on recent TV shows. I set my duffle bag in a pile of our bags and approached the head coach, who was motioning me to come to her.

“Yes Miss J?”

“Aussie, I’ve heard about your... ‘Medical’ condition. Don’t push yourself too hard, okay?”

“Thank you coach, I won’t. And can you please not tell the other girls about it?”

“Of course”

Smiling, the coach called out to run two laps. The girls all ran at different paces, and it was depressing to know I was pretty fast before I got cancer. But instead of pushing myself to reach my usual norm, I lingered near the back and jogged one lap, walked the other.

When I reached the mats again, one of my legs had stiffened and ached. I didn’t think much of it until we started to warm up our stunts and jumps.

Crap. I can’t do this anymore.

I asked the coaches if I could be excused, and left for the nurse’s.