The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 30-31

XXX.

It had been weeks of hospital life, and sad enough to say, NO hot men in hospitals. It was a shocker, really. Also, the chemotherapy treatments were boring. So boring, that even looking at a spinning fan for thirty minutes would be fun. So I must say that the hospital stay was pretty boring except for the fact that my therapy had finished. But somewhere in my heart and brain, I knew I would miss seeing the old lady next door with heart cancer or the boy down the hall I always had morning coffee with. But I had to say good-bye, and I did do so as I was wheeled out of my room, through the halls, and out of the hospital.

The air was humid from last night’s rain, almost like warm steam from a barbeque grill, but the sun was out, small puddles dotted the sidewalk, and I couldn’t help the excited feeling I had as each wheel of the wheelchair splashed through a rain puddle. The trees sung to me, grass and their dew welcomed me, and the sun shone on me full-heartedly. Gosh, I missed the outdoors.

I could even feel my mother smiling from behind the wheel chair, pushing me teasingly through big puddles and getting my shoes all wet.

“MOM! Watch it! I’m a handicap!”

“No you aren’t! It’s not like you to ignore these wonderful puddles darling!”

The humming bird buzzed around, pushing me along with her. She was really energetic for an old… 47 year old hummingbird. Oops, if cancer didn’t kill me, that statement sure will.

XXXI.

I didn’t allow my mother to stop me. Once I was mentally and physically strong enough to walk on crutches, I headed to school. I chose on wearing my casual outfit, not to set off any handicap vibes, and snuggled on my currently favorite baseball cap with the school mascot on it. I had to check if the stubble of hair on my head wasn’t “really” visible, but otherwise I was pumped for school.

I stood in my room like every morning, besides my right leg being injured and my head bald, everything seemed like those days before cancer. My sister still sung “attempted-rap” in the shower and my mother hummed classical music in the kitchen. I was doing last minute checkups with my hair again, back to the window, the sun warming it and lightening up my room. Next to the window was my rusted bird cage, but it wasn’t so rusted anymore and it definitely wasn’t empty. When I came back from the hospital, I had found a lovely surprise within the shining bars. It chirped melodically as it opened its purple wings, its yellow stomach fluffed up as it breathed, yellow eye shadow around its eye brought out the most gorgeous black eyes. I must admit, it was my new boyfriend. It even complimented the lace curtain! Now that’s coordinated.

So I flew out, gracefully as I could on crutches, through the sky blue sky that seemed in envelope the halls of my house. Not a single cloud today!

“Good morning dear.”

A pair of green eyes eyed me over the morning paper as I clomped into the kitchen. Steaming coffee in hand, my mother reminded me even more of a humming bird this morning.

“Good morning.”

I blew kisses across the room to the hummingbird and made sure to remember my small cup of orange juice and fork for my soggy pancakes.

“Yo Aussie.”

Lance had welcomed himself to my house this morning. His sharp eye watched me like his prey, which was quite frankly scary. But I decided to out-wit him today, as he reached for my baseball cap, I sneaked a kiss on his lips and let the moment slide. You could tell I was in a good mood.

“Psst, Aussie!”

What was freakier than Lance being in my house is Collen sitting at my dining room table. Helping himself to a hearty meal of pancakes and orange juice, Collen didn’t even deserve recognition. I waved anyways.

“Aussie! Good morning!”

My canary sister skips into the tiny, now crowded, kitchen, beautifully dressed with that “in-style” cardigan over her shoulders.

“Hey Kathy dear, hurry and eat.”

Mrs. Humming bird returns to her paper and occasional sips of coffee, the hawk perched at the door with sharp eyes on the clock, the talkative parrot wasn’t allowed to talk that morning with all that pancake in his mouth, the canary delicately sat next to me with her oh-so-delicate cup of orange juice, and the Aussie bird sits with her new purple shirt, courtesy to my new pet.

Just like every morning, the canary sung, the humming bird hummed, and me? I sat, the bird that thought couldn’t fly, but did anyway.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 29

XXIX.

Lance and Collen had both left for school the next morning, both with swollen eyes and a very runny nose. I had been able to give them a genuine smile as they left, though afterwards, my face wasn’t so pretty. Every afternoon was treatment time. I couldn’t really say I looked forward to it. I didn’t plan on anyone visiting me earlier in the day, so I decided to take up on some reading or homework.

I stretched my aching arms as I opened my old history book I had to catch up on. I turned a few pages to something interesting, opened my mouth to read-aloud when the door opened.

Over the threshold of the door, my dainty sister stood with a bouquet of daisies and a small photo frame. She looked even skinnier than usual, maybe because of the bright light from behind her or the pale yellow cardigan she neatly tied around her shoulders.

“Home from the country club?”

I managed to crack my own joke as my sister entered. I knew she had been crying from the red tips of her eyes and nose, but decided not to touch upon that.

“Idiot! It’s my new style!”

My sister succeeded in seeming happy, still trotting her way over to my bed and kissing me on the cheeks.

“How has my lovely chick been?”

My sister’s words bounced off the walls she faced and back to me, maybe she didn’t want to see me face to face just yet. Her hands were shaking from where I could see, because the vase she held quivered back and forth as she spoke.

“Nothing much my lovely canary, I miss your singing from the shower every morning.”

The canary turned and smiled; I realized her green eyes, much like my mother’s, shown in the pale light through the window.

“Why thank you Austricia. I miss your tired hangover face in the morning too.”

She walked over with a vase full of daisies, and set them on the side table with a picture of our family, mother hummingbird, Kathy canary, me… and dad. Dad looked younger than what I remembered him to look like; I had imagined a hunky turkey-looking dad from five or so years ago, but this picture revealed him as a proud cardinal or something. I decided to just mentally note the picture, turning back to my sister.

“Don’t call me by my full name ever again Katheny. Do you like my new hairstyle?”

“Oh Aussie. I loved your hair; I’m going to miss all of it.”

She lightly brushed her slender fingers through my hair and sucked in the sobs. I giggled. My sister’s hair was beautiful, soft and luscious. Of course I was upset and sad that my hair was going to be gone soon, but I can still see my sister’s hair and see how mine will grow out to be again.

“I have confidence that I’m gonna look great in short hair.”

“I want a sister, not a girlish brother.”

“I still have boobs.”

“No you don’t.”

My sister grabbed my cheeks and kissed my forehead, telepathically sealing up my lips so I couldn’t babble on. Of course, I wriggled my way out of that telepathical bind, continuing conversation with my sister which he hadn’t had in a long time.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 28

XXVIII.

People were calling out to me far away, a cloud drifting in between where I was and the far away light. Air rushed upwards from my back, I couldn’t reach the light no matter how much I tried. I look desperately at my useless arms, trying to grab something to pull me up. They were covered in feathers, and so I started to bat my wings. It was useless, I was falling.

“AUSSIE”

The sky had disappeared. Collen and Lance with their tear stained eyes were what I saw. Lance helplessly held my limp hand, biting his chapped lower lip.

“What happened?”

Words caught and clawed in my throat as I managed to speak.

“Trust me Aussie, you are now known as the person who just came back to life.”

Collen was bathing in a pile of used tissues, rolled up on the rocking chair close by. My eyes were still adjusting to the room; I squinted and batted my eye lids a few times to get a clear view. However, before my eyes were in perfect state, my leg stung.

I was curious; I wanted to peek under my covers to know why my leg had stung so much. I was slowly entangling my fingers from Lance’s tight grip when Dr. Beaker came in.

“Why hello Aussie, it’s quite early for you to be up.”

His aged hands grabbed the side table as he carefully seated himself on the side of the bed.

“I’m feeling a lot better, that’s for sure.”

I intended to give him a huge grin, but my face had gone numb and ancient.

“Don’t worry; your body is just a little oozy from not moving for so long. It’s so used to moving around constantly!”

Dr. Beaker encouragingly rubbed my shoulder in a grandpa-way. Deep wrinkles besides his eyes seemed friendly and welcoming, and his handwritten nametag brought a sudden surge of relaxation.

“So what exactly happened? The last thing I remember is being brought here.”

“Well Aussie. You had pushed yourself a tad bit too far, but not far enough and this old man fixed it. Your cancer had grown at a really fast pace. However, last night’s surgery went well and the primary site was treated. All you have to do now is go on with the chemotherapy.”

The doctor unintentionally rubbed my head, which made me realize my current state up above. My hair had become thinner, just a little bit, but a girl could tell what’s up with her hair. I couldn’t contain a soft whimper as I imagined what I LOOKED like, probably a plucked turkey ready for thanksgiving. Dr. Beaker must have sensed the change in atmosphere; he took my hand in his and rubbed a little warmth into it, patted it a little, and left the room.

Once ole doctor left the room, I realized Lance had silently dozed off into a world of his own. Collen was thoughtful enough to get a light blanket to cover his broad shoulders. I was always grateful that Collen was a really reliable friend, like an owner-friendly parrot, because once he made his way around the hospital bed, he brought up a chair and just talked with me. The conversation wasn’t even about school or cancer, it was just talking.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 27

XXVII.

“Aussie!”

Lance angrily closed the phone and tossed it to me. I barely caught it, and looked all around searching for a possible answer in life. Life is something unexpected, and whoever made lemonade when life tossed lemons, must have been a very decisive person.

“Lance, calm down”

Those were the only words I could find, feeling my hand shake as I gripped the innocent phone. Aussie would keep talking; she would try to persuade Lance that it was an unchangeable fact. She would do everything to stop him from crying. Suddenly it hit me… She was in danger.

“Lance, look at me.”

Grabbing Lance’s broad shoulders, I looked him square in the eyes as I took deep breaths. The school bell rung with a shrill, but everything seemed to be in slow motion around the two of us.

“Collen, what are you doing?”

“I know where she is. She wouldn’t have hung up on you, she’s in trouble.”

I couldn’t allow him to say another word; I yanked his wrist towards the nearest exit. All we could do is find out and at least support her.

We were running, running for someone’s life.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 26

XXVI.

I fondled with the phone on the side table, playing hot potato with it as I turned off speaker and slowly brought the phone to my ear.

“Aussie?”

The voice I hadn’t heard in a week or so vibrated through my ear drum into my brain, and was soon calculated to be Lance’s voice. I leaned far back into a fluffy pillow as I mumbled.

“Hi Lance.”

“Is everything, true? Do you really have cancer? Why didn’t you tell me? Why?”

“Yes it’s true. Yes I have cancer. I didn’t tell you, because I...”

“Didn’t want to see me cry. Still, I wanted to know. I wouldn’t cry if you didn’t want me to. I would have supported you with everything I have; I wouldn’t let you feel lonely. I’ll fight with you.”

“But you’re crying now.”

Lance shook off his tears in semi-disgust. I closed my eyes, sinking even further into my pillow. The strength that had supported me these few days were slowly exiting my body every possible way.

“I’m not crying.”

“Oh sure you aren’t. See, you just broke our promise.”

“I don’t care! Listen where are you now, what hospital are you at?”

I sighed deeply as I closed the phone. Blackness took over me as the grip on my phone loosened, the last thing I remember is my heart rate monitor gradually slowing down, echoing in my pit of endless relief.

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 25

XXV.

Now I’ve always thought Martin Luther King’s speech was inspirational, but Collen just won that peace prize in my life. I couldn’t help but smile, nothing could beat something my precious friend said.

“Lance, listen to me carefully. We all know about cancer, something that can’t change in a life. It’s a fact set in stone that Aussie has been dealing with.”

“What are you talking about Collen? Those fruits have been hitting you really hard.”

Lance seemed to be joking, almost in half belief. He never sounded like this before, so I intended to listen closely.

“Lance, wake up! She is in the hospital now, and I can feel that she’s in despair because she can’t do anything. She wants to run, she wants to cheer, and she wants to live the life everyone else can live. She’s been acting strong, like cancer isn’t anything to her, and it seemed like she didn’t care about it but she does. Her intention was to not tell anyone. She was going to fight it alone, and she was going to become normal again without help. She also told me… that you were special and she would do anything for you to not be sad. She hated that she fought against you, she hated that she blamed you, she hated she couldn’t do anything. All she wanted was for you to not cry for her and she was scared of what will come when she told you.”

“You must be kidding me, Collen. She didn’t even cry for me, she didn’t even SAY anything to me. I’m not going to fall for your insane joke.”

“Then talk to her yourself.”

The Bird that Cannot Fly Ch. 24

XXIV.

I was slowly pulling the phone away from my ear, putting my forefinger on the top half of my phone like a trigger of a revolver. If it were real, I might have pulled it…for real. But I feel like I’m just finding excuses.

“Wait”

Collen barked at me, awakening me with a sharp echo.

“Here’s Lance, hold on.”

My heart began to race, and it might have been from pure adrenaline the hospital had to offer. But I sensed something else. I run my finger tips over my heart and feel it pulse through. This was real. However, I could only leak out a small okay to continue the conversation.

This might turn good or bad. I was a bird with a wounded wing, keeping my balance with the strong part of what’s left. I have to take one flap at a time, each time leading me to my final destination, but there are countless ways to fall. Once I fall…

As I had started my endless daydream of falling from the sky, I heard a conversation on the other side of the phone line, distant.

“Lance, I have something to tell you.”

“Hey, haven’t talked to you in a while. You’re always with... Aussie, how is she?”

“Uh, about her… she…”

“She what? I… you’ve probably realized but I’m never going to forget her. I might never like anyone else. If it’s something hateful, tell me later.”

My heart leaked of overflowing emotions. Putting my phone on speaker, I set it on the side table and covered my eyes. I tried to shield it from everything, from everything around me.